New Moms Over Forty...Sleep Deprived

I was so excited to be pregnant and having my first baby...finally... at 43 that I wasn't thinking about how drastically motherhood after forty would change my life. 

My husband and I had a very comfortable and relaxed life and routine, lots of freedom and independence.

As much as I was over the moon and in love with my baby, I just wasn't prepared for the months, no years of interrupted sleep and sleep deprivation. 

The first two years I was sleeping maybe 2-3 hours straight per night since my son just wasn't sleeping  well, I felt as if I were slowly dying, the lack of sleep was sucking everything from me; I was getting sick all the time, couldn't remember conversations, I had no interest in anything but trying to get my baby to sleep better so I could begin to function again as a human being.

Initially I didn't have any other moms to talk to that were going through similar experiences, so I felt very alone, my family wasn't near me and my husbands family just wasn't the same.

I finally found support online with other moms going through similar experiences and with older first time moms in my child's pre school. 

I'm finally getting more sleep now and do feel human again, but I also realize that being a mom comes with many changes in lifestyle one of them feeling like you never get enough sleep, ( because you don't) all my mom friends feel the same way, so I've excepted it and take advantage of sleeping in when I take a solo trip to visit family or friends!

Getting Your Sleep

If you do have supportive family and friends nearby let them help you, have them take the baby for a couple hours and let you get some zzz's, trust me you need every hour you can get, the better rested you are the better able you will be to take care of all the needs of your baby. 

• Add aromatherapy. If adjusting the levels of light and sound in your room hasn't made an impact, consider an herbal remedy that calms the senses. Adding an aromatherapy candle in a calming scent like lavender can help your mind to unwind at the end of the day and begin to shut down for sleep. In fact, a 2005 study conducted by Dr. Namni Goel at Wesleyan University's Sense of Smell Institute found that lavender improved the quality of sleep by helping subjects spend more time in deep, restorative sleep. If you're worried about the dangers of sleeping next to a lit candle, consider lavender oil on a sachet beneath your pillow or in an aromatherapy diffuser.
• Rework your workout. Exercising in the morning or early afternoon can help re-set your body's natural rhythms and sleep cycle, making it easier for you to catch some shut-eye at the end of the day. If vigorous exercise sounds like too much when you've been up all night with a crying baby, consider doing a few yoga poses before bedtime—a study on treatment of chronic insomnia with yoga published in the December 2004 Journal of Applied Psychophysiology and Feedbackfound that a simple daily yoga treatment led to statistically significant gains in sleep quality and total sleep time for participants. Gentle stretching helps your body relax and unwind, setting the stage for some serious drowsing.

 Cons Of Being an Older Mom:

As most women earn more money at 35 or 40 than they did when they were 25, there may be a sizeable drop in income if you are planning to be a stay-at-home mom. But if you return to work, you are likely to earn more than a younger mom, even if you return to work part-time. 

You are probably more confident and relaxed now than you were 10 or 15 years ago, which is a big plus when you're a mom. Having more life experience under your belt can bring maturity and better parenting skills. You're more likely to breastfeed your baby, which is good for your own health, as well as your baby's. 

You are also more likely to be emotionally and financially ready for children, and in a settled relationship.

Support For Older Moms:

One study found that older moms are less likely to live near their family or other friends with children. If this is the case, you may find it takes you a while to build a support network of friends in your local area. 

Taking birthing classes while you're pregnant will give you immediate contact with other local women who are expecting. Mommy and me groups after the birth may give you the social contact and support you need. 

Botox My Experience

I didn't have a child till I was over forty so I had a lot of extra time to spend on myself, that and maybe having been a model might explain the reason I started using Botox in my late thirties. Botox for use as a cosmetic procedure was very new and sounded a little scary and disconcerting injecting snake venom into your face even though it was obviously diluted to a minimum. But the chance of warding off wrinkles won and I guinea pigged my way into my dermatologists chair for the initial experience.

At thirty seven it was hard to tell a difference how well it worked but I remember liking that my forehead didn't move up an down, weird but true, also when I was around thirty eight a younger freind of mine commented that my forehead didn't have any wrinkles and was so smooth, "you have great skin she said", she was right I did and I quietly thanked her while avoiding the details, it was my little secret, for the time being anyway... Then all of a sudden Botox was in vogue, in fashion, in the news, in a lot of faces, my secret was out. 

I continued the injections in my forehead and around my eyes until I found out I was pregnant at forty two then again at forty three ( I miscarried then carried full term) I wasn't very nervous about the time without the injections since mother nature pretty much helped out with the forty pounds I gained while pregnant, turned out the extra pounds were great at plumping out my wrinkles, I actually looked younger than ever while pregnant at forty three.

I didn't go back to Botox for almost two years after the birth of our son, and have now returned in full swing every four months or so, we just added the neck as a new area to freeze. I've noticed in pictures recently that my neck was starting to look strange, stringy, and old, luckily my dermatologist had the answer, hmm, I'm still not convinced so I took some before and after pictures to see if I would be able to see a difference.

 

I think I look fresher but not altogether changed or frozen since my dermatologist in Miami, Martin N Zaiac is wonderful at giving me a natural non alien or plastic look that obviously some dermatologists favor, very scary! 

In my twenties I said I would age naturally, in my thirties I said I may or may not try any age related cosmetic procedure, in my forties I do and will try some procedures but only at a minimum, because as much as I want to look young I don't want to look weird or alien, what a fine line this is to cross but I know it's possible, as these women prove to be true, obviously as celebrities they have tweaked this and that, but still look "natural", if we even know what that looks like anymore on a women over forty???

Relationship SOS Gimme Space

A fabulous quote in the must read book The Prophet says this about marriage, "let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you." I translate this as I need my space, you need your space we will both be happier and more content when we have some "separate" time. 

I always thought a happy and healthy marriage meant spending as much time as possible together, I mean if your in love shouldn't you be together a lot??! I got it all wrong, 99% of couples need their own space, time to be individuals and not part of someone else, time to contemplate, and then back to the couple again.

The hardest time in my relationship with my husband was soon after the birth of our son, we were together all the time the three of us, we rarely went anywhere without our baby or each other. This put a lot of strain on our relationship, because we were a three, it wasn't about us as individuals anymore, true when you become a part of a relationship its not all about you and when you add a baby to the mix its even less about you. But that doesn't mean you should loose who you are, you do evolve but it's so important to evolve into a person you have control of, a person you got to know along the way, not a person who was dragged along in a coma.

My husband and I still  haven't found that happy medium, I always have to remind myself to find time for myself, without my husband and son. I love them dearly but the space is necessary  and makes me a much happier, more sane, ultimately better person.

50 Shades of Going Gray

Stop The Presses, Kate Moss is turning forty this year, hmm...maybe that's the reason I saw her sporting gray roots, is she embracing her new decade, or is this a new fashion trend??!

Believe it or not it may be the latter, it seems there is a new trend among the under thirty-ish crowd, embracing all shades of gray; this is confusing to me since I've been pulling my own gray's out one by one as they began to appear a few years ago and now cover every six to eight weeks...ugh.

I just can't understand why you would intentionally go gray? Then I remembered almost every hair color looks good on the under thirty set wether or not its purple (think Kelly Ozbourne) or jet black. The new shades of gray must be the New color to go to when you want attention, a look at me color that was once a forbidden hue to embrace in the past under a certain age has now become the New Rebel Color of choice! I'm beginning to look at this hue in a new light, I just love when it's two toned and paired with a modern cut, stunning.

So now I'm thinking maybe I shouldn't cover my stray gray's, maybe I should go Rebel and embrace the GRAY??!!

Some celebrities that look divine embracing the gray.

Pregnancy After 40 (my story) part 2

One of my fantasies while pregnant was holding my newborn dressed in a long silk nightgown ( think Victorias Secret ) in a comfy rocker blissfully breast feeding, happy, rested and at peace. What universe was I living in??!! 

When I was pregnant I decided to give birth at a hospital with the help of a doula, unlike a midwife who delivers the baby, a doula is a professional trained in childbirth who provides emotional, physical and informational support to the mother who is expecting and during the birthing experience. My doula was also the teacher of our birthing class my husband and I attended called hypno- birthing; breathing exercises that train you to calmly get through your contractions in a relaxed state instead of tensing up and screaming through them. Our doula also recommended a drug free birth, meaning no epidural, a natural birth in other words. 

I was on board I wanted the best for my unborn baby and that included eating healthy, being in a calm state of mind as often as possible and not allowing any drugs into my body during the birth that would be ultimately transferred to my innocent baby.

Fifteen hours into my natural birthing process where I had been unbelievably calm through-out, (hypno birthing works) excruciating  contractions, they started to come non stop without a break to breath, I couldn't scream, I could only cry, I finally begged for an epidural and forty five minutes later I had real relief, for a moment anyway. I could finally relax for a moment and notice what was going on around me, why were the nurses running in and out of the room, turning me from one side to the other and back again, my husband looked worried, what was going on? How could I have not noticed this before? It's called mind altering pain.

What no one was telling me was that the umbilical cord had been wrapped around my baby's neck and depending on how they moved me the cord would be loosened a bit so the baby's vitals would go back to normal, but only for minutes at a time, my team as like to call them were on top of every move the baby made to make sure he was getting enough oxygen. Holy SH#%>!!!

The nurse looked at me and must have seen terror written all over my face since she calmly but firmly said "You need to breath and stay calm for your baby", I did exactly what she said, in that moment  I truly became a Mother, I've never been more scared. My doctor ended up having to use forceps to pull our son from me since he wasn't coming out naturally and a c section would have taken too long, this was an emergency situation.

He did emerge somewhat purple but quickly faded to a yummy healthy pink color, my doula who had been a life saver and serious hard worker throughout laid him on my chest, I let out a huge sigh of relief and stared at this amazing being that had already started to change life as I knew it.

  Our son with his gorgeous cousin Jordan, with Ringo the poodle and wearing ray bans.

Pregnancy After 40 is Possible (My Story) Part 1

I always wanted children, because that's what your supposed to do right? After around thirty I began to feel the emotional tug of wanting a baby for a few weeks at a time then it would go away, come back again, and so on and so forth till my husband and I decided to adopt a baby from China many years later. Something I had dreamed of doing ever since China opened international adoptions of their "unwanted" daughters, my thinking at the time was that the world didn't need any more children but to help the babies that needed us the most.

A year after filling out mounds of paperwork, home studies, health examines, and basically spilling every detail of our lives, our paper work was sent to China with a log in date of May 12 2007.

When we first started the adoption journey we were told it would be about 1-2 years before we would be matched with our baby girl. Quickly I realized this just wasn't going to be the case as the increase in family's that were adopting from China seemed to dramatically slow down the adoption system to a snails pace. My husband and I were antsy and felt overly ready to be parents. We had never tried to get pregnant, I'd always tried Not to, but I was beginning to have second thoughts.

So we decided to give it a go, we would still adopt from China, but now our Chinese daughter would have an older brother or sister. Low and behold I conceived the second month, wow we were beyond over the moon, funny how quickly you fantasize about what you'll do as a family, how life will be, Disney World, school plays, we heard the baby's heart beat, it was heavenly, then I miscarried in my third month. 

From the highest high to lowest low in a moment laying on the OBGYN's table, "I am so sorry I don't hear a heart beat" he said and rest is a blur as I began to sob, and didn't stop for days. Eventually I peeled myself out of a depression that only in the slowest sense began to heal a little day after day, why did this hit me like a ton of bricks? 

Well not only is miscarriage a serious and painful loss, but I started to think that maybe my only chance to conceive was gone, I was 42 after all. Not a fun time, but in typical character I began to think positively about conceiving again to the point of buying positive and inspirational CDs for my car and listening non stop. Anytime a negative thought or fear about getting pregnant came into my head I would push the crap out of it with a positive!! A Lot of sex and positivity later we were blessed with a healthy pregnancy and birth almost exactly a year later, I was 44.

My Cutie at 7 months

Do I Need Probiotics???

I have never been a vitamin taker I was lucky I remembered to take the pill! Or maybe that's how I got pregnant!!!???! Seriously though after the birth of my son at 44 I kept getting sick, every five months or so, it was exhausting, I had to do something fast I was spiraling down quickly! 

I was recommended by a "health-concious" freind that I begin to take probiotics that are known to work in the stomach where bacteria grow, that can lead to colds, flus, and such; I was desperate so I bought some!

Probiotics have been the most unbelievable discovery for me, since I have been taking them daily for going on three years, and knock on wood I haven't had a bad cold or flu since, is this a miracle or just lucky? Honestly I was almost afraid to write about it for fear that my luck would run out!!

 I also recently added a women's daily vitamin, a B12 for amazing energy ( Really!! ), some Omega 3's because the rest seemed to be making a difference and my brother another " health conscious" guy recommended it.

What's with the Probiotics anyway, do we need them???

You don't necessarily need probiotics says Katherine Zeratsky, R.D., L.D. from the Mayo Clinic a type of "good" bacteria — to be healthy. However, these microorganisms may help with digestion and offer protection from harmful bacteria, just as the existing "good" bacteria in your body already do.

Prebiotics are non digestible carbohydrates that act as food for probiotics. When probiotics and prebiotics are combined, they form a synbiotic. Fermented dairy products, such as yogurt and kefir, are considered synbiotic because they contain live bacteria and the fuel they need to thrive.

Probiotics are found in foods such as yogurt, while prebiotics are found in whole grains, bananas, onions, garlic, honey and artichokes. In addition, probiotics and prebiotics are added to some foods and available as dietary supplements.

Although more research is needed, there's encouraging evidence that probiotics may help:

• Treat diarrhea, especially following treatment with certain antibiotics
• Prevent and treat vaginal yeast infections and urinary tract infections
• Treat irritable bowel syndrome
• Reduce bladder cancer recurrence
• Speed treatment of certain intestinal infections
• Prevent and treat eczema in children
• Prevent or reduce the severity of colds and flu

All I can say is that I don't go anywhere without my probiotics, I'm a believer, so does his make me a " health nut"?? Nah, I still put marshmallows in my morning coffee!!